you see, i tried to find my way but i got lost. i almost had you but you ran away. i kept looking for something that i thought was there. but i guess that i was wrong. you weren't here. the dull ache, i thought that ti would fade. but it still remains. ive tried and now, its probably your turn.
they say dont seek it, let it come find you. but love is like death. you know its there and its coming. but it will never hit full force until it has arrived. i still remember how your hand was in mine. i remembered how happy you've made me. i've been trying to look for something that could possibly come as close to this as possible. but maybe, this is one of those once in a life time kind of things. and it doesn't work that way. maybe the more that i try, the more it wants to run away from me. i thought i was strong, but i've never felt weaker. because i let myself into temptations. doing things that i'm not proud of. doing things that i never thought that i would do.
i want to run away and escape. i just want to leave everything behind. but then again, what good will that do? i want to look into your eyes and say that i've done it. and that you'll look back at me and smile because you're proud of me. i want to thank god everyday that i've found you but then i wished that i never did. that first kiss, that first time. things we would do that make people think that we're mad. but it seems totally logical to us. like jumping into the pool with all our clothes on. speeding in the middle of the night totally wasted. hidden kisses at hidden parties. in the world there was only me and you and no one else. you were the only thing that i ever had and the only thing i've ever held on to. probably even after so many years. you were that one memory that i'm not letting go. you were my love and my death. you were everything. you were my life but you let yours slipped away. i tried to rid myself of you but then you'll come back stringer than ever. i think i should stop lying to myself. stop telling myself that you're gone becuase you've never left me. you're a part of me as everything else. you're that one thing i dont ever ever want to let go. you're the one thing i got right. and you're my biggest mistake.
here's to you. for all the laughter. because i've never laughed harder with anyone else than when i was with yout. thank you for the tears. because everytime i cried you wiped them away for me. thank you for the pain, because you always shared them with me. thank you for the love because you never stopped loving me.

this love that i have for you. happens only once in a lifetime.